We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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