I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
