im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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