after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You can't just leave with hair like that
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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