I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
