I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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