hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
