Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
