I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
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