So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
