I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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