so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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