just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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