My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
