I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
