seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
