anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
