shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
