when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
