I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
