Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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