the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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