Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
My bed smells like the plague
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
