He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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