I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
