just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
