I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
