Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
