I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
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I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
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Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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