When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
