Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
