today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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