office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm having to shit out rocks
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
