I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
