so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
