it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
BRING THE BAGELS
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
