Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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