i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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