just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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