my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
