There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
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