Reggie can tackle my bush.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
