at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
