Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
