Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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