i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
