Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
