and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I wish there were birth control emojis
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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