She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
