i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
