I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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