Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
