You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
We got so high we made milksteak
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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