I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
