I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
