hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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