If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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