good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole a fireplace last night.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
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