So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
