Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
