While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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