where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
and she was petting her beer can
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
