you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
