Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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