She just used a chaser for red wine.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
